Stupid Morality

I have a $20 Tower Records gift card.

I went to spend said gift card at Tower Records.com this morning. To my surprise, the new Jack Johnson CD was a quite reasonable $0.12.

Yes. $0.12.

So, I added four to my cart (somebody would want it, right?), and decided to keep shopping. Other CDs by Ray Charles, Miles Davis, and others were between $0.09 and $0.12. I added four of each to my cart.

I moved on. With over 30 CDs in my cart (I didn't even start on the DVDs - listed between $0.30 and $0.60... including South Park, Chappelle Show, the Motorcycle Diaries, etc...), I was tearing Tower Records a new one while my co-workers each eked out a random Donnie Darko or obscure French CD. I went for the motherload, for it all, for my music collection to upgrade from "just barely" to "awfully pretentious." I followed that bright light to the likes of Keb'Mo and Jimi Hendrix. Dispatch to the Doors.

Then, checkout.

I had to set up a new account, which I did. Mail it to my billing address.

My balance? $3.38. Yeah, I'll pay for the shipping.

Before I finalized it, I paused. My cohorts, with their small bounties, the scraps reaped from my reward, boasted of paying $3 for their one CD or their one DVD. Still, they looked on. They knew a master had taken to task, that great work would still be done.

They had their meager goods. I, however, had in my grasp the Grail.

Men of all ages, of all eras, clamored for this which I now held in the palm of my hand and nothing but microchips and computer text stood in my way. You simply don't take the Grail and walk away unaffected. It can't be done.

You stop. You stare. You savor every nanosecond, craving the reward standing before you and the adulation that awaits you. You prepare all pagentry in your head, of which your comrades would look on in awe and envy. A part, deep inside (we'll call it "Catholic guilt"), makes you question. I found myself asking, "Should I do it?" "Is it right?" "Could it be?" You freeze, you question everything, evaluate your life to this point, and question whether you want what comes next.

You simply just can't take the Grail.

A few moments later and cheered on by my followers, who already ran rough drafts of my legendary tale of my pillaging and recompense to callers and passersby alike, I clicked OK. I expected a triumphant song to play, something signaling victory, immortality, 35 CDs for just over $3. The world my oyster, this my pearl.

Tower said NO. They had corrected the glitch - my bill now well over $300. I disrespectfully declined. I shriveled away in silence, having my reward so violently ripped from me.

Next time, just take the fucking Grail.

Goddamn it.