More On Commuting

Homeless man, on counsel from wall, burns down subway. Film at 11.

No C train service for 5 years? I'll be honest. I haven't seen this kind of logjam in Chelsea since, well... Oh man... 2 in and we're on anal sex already.

A homeless man changed his shoes and socks on the D train in front of me this morning. I informed him that it's no way to waste his colostomy bag.

Women with large noses shouldn't sit in profile, unless they're being paid by Milton Bradley to endorse Chutes & Ladders.

Celebrities don't ride the subway. Celebrities look-alikes do, though.

The MTA uses turnstiles to collect payment for riding on the subway. I use turnstiles as a way to comically get hit in the nuts with a steel pole.

You can usually tell if a local team won a big game last night by the paraphernalia on the riders the next morning. Unless the big game has anything to do with the WNBA. Then, nobody cares.

There's something very democratic about subways. If by "democratic," I mean "hostile takeover by irate foreigners who have no issues making a little leeway by sticking their crotch in your face."

I appreciate the elaborate design of the NYC subway routes. One can essentially blow another person off at any given station, with a meager "Oh, this is my stop," or "Oh, I need to transfer here," or "Oh, I don't like you."

One can presumably blow another person off on a subway platform, too, but homeless people like fire.